I am tired and I am hurt.
My entire life has been hijacked and turned upside down because of this disease.
I am constantly judged in public by strangers when my child acts out because she looks “normal” so it must just be my parenting and there needs to be more discipline so she doesn’t act like that.
I am tired of not being able to spend time with my other daughter because the second I do, she flips out that my life isn’t all about her.
I am tired because for the past year my husband and I haven’t hardly slept in the same bed because of her night terrors and separation anxiety.
I am tired of friends not reaching out and disappearing because it is awkward to talk about. Me: “How’s it going?” Friend: “Great, my daughter made the honor roll and is doing great; how about you?” Me: “Well, my child didn’t commit suicide today so I will say it was succussful.” That’s not a conversation people want to have or are comfortable with unless you’ve walked these paths.
It is hard for me to answer you when you ask me how I am doing. I don’t want to be negative but I also don’t want to be fake either.
I am tired of family who isn’t supportive and doesn’t reach out or act like they care.
I am tired of my husband feeling let down because he doesn’t have that support.
I am tired of researching until all hours of the night so I can find the solution for my daughter to get out of this living hell.
I am tired of people who are close to us asking what PANDAS is. Please, if you care about us, do your research.
I am tired of feeling like I don’t think I can go on another day.
I am tired of feeling tired. Physically, mentally and emotionally.
This is the tired face and words of a momma doing the best she can for herself and her daughter who has PANDAS.